“While we can communicate with two of you at a time, it only works, if you take turns,” shared the page.
“Do you want to go first Francine? Or would you like me to go,” asked Rita.
“You go first mom, I’m not ready yet,” replied Francine.
“Okay,” responded Rita as she looked down at the almost blank page.
“What do I do now that I have all of my art supplies out and have started to get back in touch with that part of myself,” she inquired out loud to the page. It felt funny to talk to a magazine with her daughter sitting beside her, yet, she wanted to role model that being authentically honest and vulnerable was safe.
“What do you want to do? What feels good,” typed the words.
“Well I would love to just quietly do art, or actually maybe help others to get in touch with their artistic side, while I do my own art. But, I’m not qualified to do that. My degree is in business, not art,” Rita’s thoughts just seemed to tumble out of her mouth without her knowing it.
Before the page could even respond, she added on more, “I don’t even know where to begin. Isn’t it crazy to think about such a big life change at this stage of my life,” her confused frustrated heart just seemed to vomit on the page.
“Slow down,” the page responded.
“The most important thing for you to focus upon is how you feel. Choose the next step by what feels good. If you think about something and feel into it, does it feel fun or like work? Does it feel a good kind of scary or a yucky kind of scary. It is all about following your heart and soul, which communicates through your emotions and what you humans have labeled as feelings,” continued the magazine.
“All kinds of ideas storm at me,” exclaimed Rita with an edge of frustrated overwhelm and fear.
“Well, write down all of your ideas, next to the ideas write down how they feel. Take your time with this, let yourself really play with how your internal self responds. Does it get so excited that you feel like dancing or does it feel like a heavy weight that drags you down. As you explore each idea, you will begin to notice the ones that resonate with you. Rita, it is about baby steps, one decision at a time, it is a journey, not a race,” the publication replied in calm flow.
Rita took a long deep, slow breath. She could feel her body relax as she read the words before her. A smile stretched across her face as she acknowledged the wisdom on the page, “I can do that. Thank you magazine for helping me to relax and remember that it is a process and I don’t have to change everything right now.”
“You are welcome, it is wonderful to experience you as you open up to investigate what brings you joy,” danced the words upon the space.
Rita looked at her daughter, “your turn,” she smiled.
“Okay, I’m not sure what to say or ask,” Francine nervously responded.
Rita started to respond, but then noticed the page was typing, “Just say or ask whatever comes up, this is a free flow space, no right or wrong. We’re here to have fun together,” stated the magazine with encouragement.
Francine stared at the page, trying to sort through all the befuddled emotions and uncertainty that zoomed through her mind and body.
“It’s okay,” appeared on the page. “Take a long deep breath and just feel for a minute. Your inner self will sort through what’s real and what’s programmed.”
Rita reached over and put her hand on her daughters leg, smiling into her daughter’s emerald eyes she said, “Let’s close our eyes together and just breathe for a few minutes to let it all relax and slow down.”
“Okay, thanks mom,” replied Francine as she felt tears bubbling up from inside. She place her hand on top of her mom’s and closed her eyes.
Together they sat silently, letting their bodies relax, slowing their breath down, while holding hands. The magazine sat patiently present.
Blinking her eyes open, while squeezing her mom’s hand, Francine looked down at the half blank page and asked, “Can I be my real self and still be popular?”
“Of course. Actually when you are your real self, being popular becomes unimportant and the funny thing about that is, once you don’t care what others think of you, they want to be around you even more. People sense without knowing if someone actually likes themselves and is being authentic. It’s what everyone really wants, to be their true selves and to be seen completely,” came the long reply from the magazine.
Francine sat quiet, absorbing what the page had said. She thought she understood, but didn’t even know how to begin. Her whole life she had been doing and acting the way she thought others wanted her to be. With her parents, teachers and other adults it was all about doing what was right, being a good girl. With friends it was about doing what was cool without being bad or getting in trouble. She wasn’t sure what she really felt or wanted for herself, had she ever known?
“It’s good to sift and sort through all those different chaotic thoughts and feelings. Take your time to remember who you are from inside. Be patient and kind to yourself. It might help for you to look at pictures of yourself as a little girl. Close your eyes, go back in time to experience what you found joyful when you were young. Go through your belongings, see what emotions and memories get stirred, what do they tell you about yourself. Like we told your mom, this is a journey, not a race. Have fun with it. You are already perfect just the way you are right here, right now,” the magazine shared with a soft outpouring.
Francine’s body relaxed as she read the words and felt into their meaning. She looked up at her mom, who smiled and said, “I guess we both have our homework.” With that statement they giggled together.
“Hey, what are you two doing,” came Frank’s voice from the hallway. He was walking towards the bedroom. In rapid response they both slammed the magazine shut. Then in union they both apologized in a whisper to the glossy publication in their lap. Quickly Rita placed it gently back on the night stand, just as Frank entered the room.
“Hi awesome son,” cheered Rita. “We are just enjoying some art time together, care to join us.”
To be continued… 13