When Did I Agree…?

During my brief furlough time at home, I delightedly turned to the page with much freedom and joy. Each day I wrote for 4-6 hours, a dream come true for this girl. My blog entries expanded and my fiction novel came to life. I found it quite difficult to leave my characters, even when my body screamed at me for sitting too long.

All too quickly I went back to work. Part time for two weeks and then they amped it back up to full time. While I am immensely grateful to have a job that enables me to provide for my family, it is not my dream way of life. The four weeks at home had me smitten, confirming my hearts desire to live everyday with my muse.

As I got dressed and applied my makeup for work, I caught myself asking the image in the mirror, “When did I say yes to this, when did I agree that girls wear makeup, that 9-5 work is the way it is, that owning a car, home, etc..is the right thing to do…” The litany of “I dos” goes on and on.

I do…

  • Go to school for 13 years to get a high school diploma
  • Spend money on clothes and things because they will make you happy
  • Start to wear makeup, so you are more pretty
  • Fix your hair to be noticed and accepted
  • Attend college to get a “good job” and be more qualified
  • Buy a house, car, things to fill the house…
  • Settle down, get married, have children…
  • Save for retirement, accept that we are to retire
  • Be monogamous
  • Color your hair when it starts to gray
  • Hide aging
  • And…

As I again revisited a theme that I began to question in elementary school, I had to own and admit how many “I do” – “I agree” things I had played along with. Friends and family who know me might chuckle, for while I eventually fell in line, I often did so in my own way and definitely in my own timing. Then of course there are aspects of our world that I will not say “Yes” to, at all.

When I taught junior high language arts I encouraged all my students to QUESTION. To inquire deeply what they wanted, to pull back the facade of society and cultural expectation. Life is a personal adventure, like childhood make believe, we choose the cast of characters who influence our life, selecting where and what we bring into the scene and most importantly how we react and interact with it all.

A byproduct of COVID has been an intensified awareness around all the things I do because I think I should. While I have been peeling back these rote ways of living for years, I come to understand that the layers are massively deep. My soul got a taste of freedom, it ran wild for four weeks. To go back into the limiting cage is to mask my true BEingness.

This is my time to fully blossom! As I shared in my blog entry “My Second Half”, this is my time to awaken even more, to burst forth with joy, faith and love.

Have you ever questioned or asked “why do I do this“? Are there things you agreed with, that you had no idea what you were saying yes to? I would love to hear about your personal inquiries and ah-ha moments.

Other related blogs – (some of the following blogs have worksheets for you to play with)

  • Domestication
  • Expectations
  • Will we ever learn?
  • Are we more advanced?

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