Stop Fixing – Start BEING
You are ENOUGH! You are WORTHY! You are PERFECT!
Today let’s play with something I began to explore over twenty years ago as I read the profound life changing little book, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz – Domestication.
All my life I have been a questioner. Full of curious “whys” and not one to easily accept phrases like –
“because it’s just the way we do it”
“because I said so”
“because that’s the way it has always been done”
“because God tells us…”
“because that’s the right thing to do or say”
“because that’s what you have to do to get the job, degree, succeed, make money….!”
You get the idea. I questioned family, teachers, friends, strangers, society at large. I questioned and wanted to discuss “why” at such a depth that frustration would arise from the conversational participant(s) – especially my grandma’s, teachers, parents, siblings and some friends. I felt lost and alone in a world of “because”.
I didn’t think God cared if I dressed up for church, really, nylons and dresses had to be worn for who?
I didn’t think taking classes that required me to memorize dates that I forgot after the test made any sense. The grades I received made me “good” or “bad”, really? A tool to separate the “successful” students from the “struggling”?
Let’s play with an example –
When I was a junior high language arts teacher my students were working on “Stereotype Research Projects”, they were looking at all kinds of things, Race, Gender, Suicide/Depression, Class, Image, etc… The group that was exploring image took it to the streets, wanting everyone to see how “beautiful” they were. It gave us the opportunity to explore and discuss who defines “Perfection”, why do we “Buy In”, and play along…??? They dug into the labels society attaches to specific populations, exploring how easily they criticized themselves based on “domesticated” teachings. They became acutely aware of how self critical and mean they could be.
So, who did write the definition of perfection? How have we manipulated the definition to categorize, separate, and identify? Is it impacted by where we live, how we are raised, the systems we are shuttled through – school, government, business, jobs? Does it help or hurt us?
I didn’t understand why people treated others poorly because their skin was a different, their clothes, their language.., weren’t they the same inside, wanting love, acceptance, food, water…?
I didn’t think how I dressed, fixed my hair, put on my makeup, etc.., made me “good, bad, ugly, pretty”, wasn’t I still the same person inside?
I didn’t understand why we had to jump through specific hoops to get a piece of paper to tell us we were now ready for a specific job/career path – why couldn’t I learn on the job?
Let’s play with another example –
In the world I grew up in, I was taught that success is having a career that is recognized, makes good money, and allows you to buy a home, have nice things, travel and plan a good retirement. Success is measured by the titles behind my name, the dollars in my bank account, and the possessions I own. A quieter story I witnessed by watching people who loved their life, taught me something different. The teacher who stood out because they were passionate about what they were sharing. The author who bravely shared their truth. The documentaries that celebrated the artist, inventor, “rock the boat” thinkers. Some of the happiest people I have met are not “Successful” by the measurements I had been taught as a young woman. This created a controversy within me, a questioning to understand more deeply where joy, love and peace truly came from.
What were you taught about success? How has this impacted your life? Are you still chasing it? Have you CHOSEN your own definition? Are you BEING your true self or DOING what is expected?
I crazily believed and still do, that anything is possible. We can change things! Just BECAUSE it has been that way, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.
My questioning journey has been and continues to be a sincere exploration of who am I? Underneath all the layers of “Taught/Domesticated” ways who do I CHOOSE to BE? How do I want to impact and experience the world?
Is the world getting to experience the true YOU?
Are you living FULL on with passion, joy, love, peace, and curiosity?
When you look in the mirror do you love who you see or do you criticize based on what society says you SHOULD be?
This next week let’s explore and dig into “Domestication”. Download the worksheet to notice and discover.
Have fun with this! BEING YOU from the inside out is the grandest gift you can share with the world. I can’t wait to explore more deeply during the week on “The Beingness Project” Facebook page.
A week from today we shall dive into what comes next – “Being In Our True Emotions” – whoo hoo!!